urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425 the one less traveled by... mags2425 2005-12-25T22:25:26Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:28385 2005-12-25T22:25:26Z 2005-12-25T22:25:26Z so, i have a weird scared feeling in my stomach, i just read a bunch of people lj and realized how much im not a part of anything in granville anymore. its that same sick scared feeling i used to get when i first moved. i mean, im soo sooo happy where i am, but its just weird and makes me a little sad. i think im just also in a weird mood sense ive only been away from college for less than a week and i already miss my friends and stuff. weve been callin g and facebooking up a storm, but its sill jsut wierd we already kinda wanna see eachother again. plus, i think im just nervous about the whole dating thing again... i used to get like this sometimes when i was dating jack too. i really like nate (not the ones you guys know...fyi) but i still get nervous getting into something again where i really like someone cuz i jsut have a feelign taht im gonna get really hurt again. it took me a really long time to get over jack and sometimes im like still hurt i guess even though ive moved on, so do i really want to get into that. and i mean, i realize that nate isnt jack and hes different in many ways, but i guesss i just get nervous and paranoid...o well, i forget about it when im with him, i think its just beign away taht i start to over analyze things. but its going really well, cuz we are close friends first and farmost and that is so importnat. hes there for me adn im there for him. as well as my other frinedss in college. i really wanna see jenny. hopefully she can come stay with me in the last week, but until then, thankgod for cell phones and computers... so, michigan for a few more days...yay shopping, then its off to gville which im both excited adn kinda scared for...im so happy to see everyone and jsut the town and stuff but im like scared about what the new group will think of me, o well, it will just be nice to see everyone. anyways...yay, six more days. until then, peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:28152 2005-12-20T20:51:13Z 2005-12-20T20:51:13Z hey yall....ill be home on the thirtyith and im totally p-u-m-p-e-d to see you all...yay!! peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:27694 2005-12-05T23:51:07Z 2005-12-05T23:51:07Z <table width="350" align="center" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2"><tr><td bgcolor="#999999" align="center"><br /><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style="color:black; font-size: 14pt;"><br /><strong>Your Power Color Is Magenta</strong><br /></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC"><br /><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whatsyourpowercolorquiz/magenta.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><br /><font color="#000000"><br />At Your Highest:<br /><br /><br /><br />You energize yourself and push others to suceed.<br /><br /><br /><br />At Your Lowest:<br /><br /><br /><br />You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed.<br /><br /><br /><br />In Love:<br /><br /><br /><br />You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet.<br /><br /><br /><br />How You're Attractive:<br /><br /><br /><br />Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you.<br /><br /><br /><br />Your Eternal Question:<br /><br /><br /><br />"What is my next source of inspiration?"<br /></font></td></tr></table><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpowercolorquiz/">What's Your Power Color?</a></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:27579 2005-11-18T04:18:57Z 2005-11-18T04:18:57Z so im making a list of the things lyns and i were talking about that i have to make sure i do when i get back to visit gville. they are basically reinactments of memories, so if you have any more ideas, comment them and we will make sure to do them....<br /><br /><br />- get lost in the ghetto<br />- chipotle<br />- hobby lobby / ribbons<br />- stay the night nowhere/ jacks liek last thanks giving<br />- carabou-- like pretty much every day<br />- watch home movies with lyns and garik in his basement<br />- go see lacrosse<br />- nuggle<br />- go to easton<br />- go to north market<br />- have smarty party with kirsten<br />- watch football with mikey and dan<br />- play ddr with jason<br />-play (watch for me) nintendo<br />- weekday wallmart run<br />- steak and shake<br />- drive around aimlessly listing to alanis moresette<br />- hang out with jack and nate<br />- go to whits with nate<br />- talk about pm with jay<br />- talk wiht mr mullins for ever<br />- see senora baldwin adn mr wait<br />- hang out in the locker corner<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hey!!! add some more so i can be ready!!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />- urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:27384 2005-10-25T00:54:04Z 2005-10-25T00:54:04Z ok, so i figured id update sense i never ever do and my updates are pretty much just one sentense. i jsut dont see the point sometimes to sit around and talk about what im doing when i could go out and do someting else. so, yeah, ive been really busy and even when im not, there's alwyas people around knocking at my door or calling my phone to hang out, so thats cool. for all of you i rarely talk to, im doing really well and i hope you are too. i love college and all it brings. it suits me really well. i was nervous coming in and thought i wouldnt fit in or find friends, but it came really really way easier than i thought. i just went in ready to embrace it and people kinda came to me, i was just confident and open and now i couldnt ask for more or better friends. i love that i know so many people and that i can just walk down the street adn be greated if im having a bad day or something. I really really love my roommate. Katie and I are like perfect for eachother. we're really close. shes crazy cool and unique. shes kinda artzy fartzy, and im not, but we kinda are good for eachother in that way, and shes less social and doenst make friends as easily, but i do, so we are good for eachother in taht too. She loves theatre and to sing and we love to watch chick flicks and eat ramen at three in the morning. she gets up wiht me every morning to go to breakfast and we jsut have a good time. we both love clothes adn we share everything. She's really gotten me into jewelry. we make our own. she taught me how and i really enjoy it. shes jsut really great. we're like close friends, but the friendship is really different than anyother friendship ive ever had. i really miss lyns, and no one will ever be able to replace her in my heart adn no one will ever mean as much to me, but there is one friend here who i can see being really close wiht the sorta the same way i am with lyns. Shes alot liek her except eclectic esque. shes whitty and really really hilarious, and im liek way different from her but we get along so well and i kinda girlify her, i donno, i just see us being really really close. Her roomates are agnottie and aarti. aarti is a lot of fun adn shes from india and we pick up guys together...shes so funny with her guy hopping. shes hott so she has her choice, btu can never seem to decide. its funny. and agnotti is just hilarious and so unique. shes very hippy esque. Danielle, one of my other friends is sooo hilarious. shes toally in her own goofy world. shes amazing. lets see, im jsut gonna talk aobut my closest friends. adrienne, is way cool. shes totally down to earth and great. i see us being close too. erin is fucking blunt and sarcastic and hilarious, adn jenny is jsut a crazy but funny whore. then there's my boys. my other room mates are phyo, the quiet asian who laughs out loud to anime, will, the southern gentlemen who is the nicest person in the world, and noah, who is prob my best friend here. he and i are so different, but just liek brother and sister. my boys watch out for me and i take care of them. they call me their mother. there's also miles, whom i love to death. hes so sweet and just doesnt have a mean bone in his body. he plays the guitar liek a god and rides a scateboard. he's great. im in a band with him and a few other kids. they are really good and i sing for them, we will see how it goes. shit, there are sooo many peopel to talk about. leo is amazing. he has a thiroid problem but still has sooo much fun adn hes so amazing. he started some help relief thing in haiti and goes there everymonth evn though he gets shot at and brings them supplies. he has liek 4 million dollars of funding adn shit. he shoudl like be on opera. kyle, is so funny, hes toally immature but totally a good time. we have so muhc fun together jsut partying and shit and laughiong up a storm....oh god, i cant talk about anyone else, this is already too long, anyways, <br /><br />jason adn lyns and joe are coming soon and i couldnt be more excited to show them my new life....yay...most fun ever!! leave me some comments... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:26984 2005-10-10T06:04:39Z 2005-10-10T06:04:39Z im sooooo happy. my hair is black and im in college....yay....i heart college urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:26717 2005-08-23T01:30:30Z 2005-08-23T01:30:30Z college fucking kicks ass. i love it! call me and ill tell you all about it cuz i dont feel liek updating. peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:26585 2005-08-17T04:55:47Z 2005-08-17T04:55:47Z dsfkljoaieufrlajsdfkarle. college. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:26117 2005-08-16T04:13:02Z 2005-08-16T04:13:02Z so...college is in four days...a completely new leaf of my life. i know that it can go no where but up. this past few months have been so hard. it felt liek teh world was against me at times.<br />1. i was friends with all juniors so had to leave everyone behind<br />2. to top it off, i had to leave even earlier cuz my parents said we were moving<br />3. throw in some health problems for my mom<br />4. throw in that my dad was never home<br />5. add a few failure adn shots to my self esteem wiht school<br />6. make it just taht much worse by having someone completely break my heart<br />7. make my alredy pretty lonely summer, right when im makeing the best out of it, be tainted by poison ivy when my two best friends come to visit.<br /><br />i mean, it jsut felt liek nothing coudl go right in the past six months...but let me tell you sometihgn, world...eff you world., eff you....you cant break me....hahah...(triumphant music)...no but seriously, i feel like something really good is on teh way for me and im gonna be really really happpy, cuz i feel like i deserve to be made truly happy. i eman, im happy now, but i mean really really happy. i can only wait. the best is yet to come urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:26102 2005-08-13T04:14:25Z 2005-08-13T04:14:25Z For the love of god. Seriously, poison ivy like I have it is for real the effing devil. Not only are you uncomfortable and realy really itchy all the time, but half your day is spent in uncomfortable positions waiting for calamine lotion to dry on different parts of your body. Then you cant even obtain any peace by sleeping cuz you cant sleep cuz you are so uncomfortable and you find yourself wakeing up every ten minutes daleriously scratching and spreading the devil rash even more. Then, to make matters worse, add on the obnacious amounts of steroids, Claritin, and benedril the doctor proscribed in which the side effects are sposed to make it even more impossible to sleep, not to mention wirey, weird and irritable during the day. So yeah, it really really sucks. Oh yeah, and im also really really sad cuz today my dad told me some bad news…<br /><br />IM GONNA BE COMPLETELY ALONE ON MY BIRTHDAY. Seriously. You don’t know sadness and lonleness until you know what it feels like to be alone on your birthday. Im talking no family, they are all out of town, no friends, back home, and not even a familiar face or thing of anykind. Im not even at a home I really know. Seriously, it will be heart breaking to sit at home all alone and be in a town where you don’t know anyone with poison ivy on your birthday. I guess im just really sad. Just cuz my family wont be here either. Ive been good all summer and happy and haven’t really felt that alone cuz ive had my family snad stuff. Its just hard I guess…..ill get over it im sure, but for tonight and tomorrow, it will just be sad. You could all call and that would make it better though. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:25835 2005-08-11T23:33:16Z 2005-08-11T23:33:16Z ok. so lyns left yesterday and all i can say is it was really sad to see her go. i dont really wanna dwell on it cuz i already cried a bit. secondly poison ivy seriously sucks balls. or as lyns would say sucks the big ball! it really cramped our style but you know us, and its perfect when ever we're together. fortunately, hers is going away. mine, however, isnt. jsut my luck. i cant just get poison ivy....noooo...i have to get teh worst on this side of wisconsin...and i cant jsut get teh worst case, the steriods have to not work. ah, i have such luck. anyways, its even worse now sense lyns is gone cuz now i dont have anyone to atleast keep me laughing about it. if you guys would call, thatd be great. it would really lift my spirits. anyways, yesterday and today i ran about three miles which is good cuz vball is starting on teh 19th. plus, i didnt think about the ivy for once. seriously, i go to college in a week and if it doesnt go away im gonna kill someone. so, now its just a week of medication again cuz she upped my drug dosage to two times as much so im gonna be really wacked out and college preparation. yay!!! cant wait until college. i met my room mate. she seems alright. its hard to tell over the phone. lets see...oh yeah!!! on saturday i turn 18!!! YOU ALL BETTER TEXT OR CALL ME TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!! Then that next friday, its off to college. yay. anyways, im outa here. later. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:25452 2005-08-09T18:35:23Z 2005-08-09T18:35:23Z omg, so i went to the doctor friday and she said i have the worst case of poison ivy shes ever seen. and sense then ive been totally drugged up and even crazier than i normally am. they make me irratable and moody. not to mention im already pissed cuz poison ivy could be the worst thing ever especially for how bad i have it. it strted jsut on the back of my one thy from climbing down the ravine in short shorts, then it spread to my other thy and got way bigger cuz i would scratch it at nght when i was dalerious. Then lyns got it too and she has a patch on her chin and her hands seem pretty bad. WEll then over the past few days, it has gotten way worse despite the 5 differnent meds adn stuff. lyns says hers is healing but mine doesnt seem to. i now have it up and down my arms, completly covering both thys, on my neck cheek, and eye, behind my knee, and on my hands. if you could see it all, you wouldnt believe it either cuz ive never seen poison ivy liek this, i must be really really allergic. anyways, im sad czu it totally cramped lynseys week here adn we liek didnt want to go anywhere cuz we were all calamined up and wanteing to kill ourselves from all the itching. we were really quite a sad site. you knmow what though?? for as much as i wanted to kill myself and rip my own skin off, it was good the lyns was tehre cuz in between the misery we jsut made eachother laugh so hard. i really mised her and the way we are together. its never a dull moment. we watched some movies and joe gets uber points for calling us during our misery cuz taht really lifted our spirts adn it was fun talking to him cuz he thinks we;re funny. anyways, lyns seems to feel better but mine still really sucks so call us adn lift our spirits. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:25089 2005-08-03T22:58:36Z 2005-08-03T22:58:36Z so, here we are effing tearing up wisconsin!!!!! thats right cheese, lakes and beer....minus the beer cuz we're with the clarke family, but if we could...we would. thats all that matters. anyways, we walked around the marina today adn it was effing intense. we met the hott fisherman and it was sweeet. and we climbed down the adventurous mountain...jsut wait there will be pictuers coming. anwyasy, it feels good to have "lynsey and maggie" back cuz lets face it, we are the flippin funnest people ever when we are together. i dont care who you are, you miss lyns adn i together adn the way we were. ill leave you at that. peace out....that peace out is not from lyns, she says bye. ps..call us...bitches...on maggies cell. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:24945 2005-07-30T17:44:25Z 2005-07-30T17:44:25Z sad. garik leaves today. its been really fun with him. just chillin and such. its good cuz even though he and i are so different sometiems adn liek to do different things, we can do thoes different things but then come back together and have a rockin time. it kidna felt liek he was part of my family and really just kinda molded in. that was really nice. i feel so comfortable. too bad he bonded with mfc. o well. anyways, so my aunts are effing crazy. adn my cousin is soo cool and they are here til tomorrow. then tucker comes to get mick off my back. yay. we went to the beach yesterday adn it was awesome it looked liek a sitcom intro with the fam at the beach togeht er with a lame kite and frisbee. it was funny. well, im off. lyns comes on wed. yay. cant wait until college. signing off, mags. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:24746 2005-07-25T22:09:43Z 2005-07-25T22:09:43Z garik is here and we are having a blast. but i dont feel liek taling aobut it right now cuz im missing things for some reason right now and so im gonna talk about that....im gonna talk about all of you so you may want to read this even though it looks long, just scroll down until you see your name..<br /><br /><br /> so far, sense i moved im pretty ok with the way i am. and i liek who im turning into. im not out to get anyone else. i mean, i have little angers at some people still when i think about what they did or the rediuclous things they are doing, but im not holding grudges anymore. im letting go. its good cuz ive needed to let go. i figure people can say adn do whatever they want and it really doenst effect me as long as i dont get involved in people acting like losers. and if i do get involved, o well, ill get out. I guess, im just learning to let go. and i have no anger (really that much) toward anyone anymore. i mean, i can honestly say i appreciate peopel for who they are and thats all there is to it. some people, am i gonna be broken up if we never talk again?...no. but i dont have any ill feelings toward them. its funny the people i miss. i mean, most of them i really didnt expect to miss as much to be honest cuz i wasnt all taht close with them. i mean they were my friends and i miss almost everyone, but i didnt have some really really deep connection with them but i really miss them. like mikey. i really miss mikey. he and i never spend unending nights together or anything but i just miss him adn how he has such strong morals and never let anyone corrupt him but never judged or had anything bad to say about anyone else. hes just a release sometimes. i miss him. Then there is caitlyn, i never was too close with her or knew her that well, but she had so much love to give and was just so nice to everyone at least from what i saw. i miss that someone just beign nice. I miss chasity. she and i never bonded quite that well, but i guess i just miss the way she seemed to be the only one sometimes who noticed the quite subtle hints that somethign wasnt right with someone. she was always concerned about someone else that no one was even noticing. i miss bethany, and this is odd for me to say cuz i think we all know, but i miss the way she never seemed to let anything fase her. she was always there and had a nice energetic greeting for you no matter what was going down. i really miss nate alot. nate and i were pretty close but we didnt have some really deep connection. but i just miss the way he is. the things he says and the kind of person he is. he dosent get sucked into gayness. as much of a dork he is, hes acutally one of the coolest people. he doesnt mess with peoples heads and hes not fake to people or trash people behind their backs. he stands up for people he cares about even if no one else cares about them, not such great timing, but he still stands up for them adn i can respect that. even though i dont agree with some of his oppinions, he lets peopel know taht he thinks people can be good even if they do bad things and i aggree with that, not necessarily with specific cases, but i agree that even people who do bad things can still be good. He also just doestn get sucked into or really care that much about the drama. i like that, he doesnt even really ahve an oppinion about it cuz as far as hes concerned what happened between anyone else doenst matter that much to him cuz he still likes the two peopel seperately. i can respect that too. he also just has bigger, less immature interests. He likes to travel and meet new peopel and camp adn play lacrosse and doesnt worry that he will miss out on some night with his friends cuz theyll be there when he gets back. i like that. i miss dan too,sometimes, he was one of the only people who seemed concerned about me adn was alwasy wondering how i was feeling. even if i was feeling fine, he alwyas just wanted to make sure and i really liek that, as im sure anyone would. he just seemed caring and took an individual and personal approach to his relationships. it shows true compassion, a quality that i hold almost on top of all others. i miss maddy. she was so funny and helped me to not care so much. she let me laugh off mistakes that i and other people had made adn basically showed me that its life, adn shouldnt be taken so freaking seriously. i also miss amy. shes just one of thoes friends who you might not always be close with but is there for you none the less. she can call me or i can call her after not realy talking or hanging out for months and we can jsut help eachother with our problems. she was jsut almost the one friend who supported me no matter what the ordeal. in her mind, no matter what the circumstances, i never deserved to feel any type of pain and i was wonderful and everyone should see that. and i see her the same way. its liek she always took my side no questions asked cuz she knew that no matter how stupid i was sometimes i had a good heart and never deserved to be hurt and the heartless beast (in her eyes) who could ever live with himself after hurting me deserved to be hurt. hahha, its quite an unrealistic friendship and never one that i would completely trust for advice or for a way to live my life, but shes jsut so great to talk to and she never fails to make me see the good in myself that i know is there. Which brings me to lynsey. i really miss her. im tearing up just thinking about it. it wasnt the same kind of relationship as amy and i. it was more honest. she will tell me the truth about any situation adn i will alsmot always know exactly what she thinks about it. and it hurts sometimes to hear the things she has to say, but i know taht she is just looking out for my best interests. plus, after she tells me not what i want to, but what i need to hear, she is always there to feel my pain. and i hope that she knows that i will never leave her side no matter the distance and i am here to take any of her burdens. i love her. i cant really talk about how much i miss garik cuz well i dont miss him right now cuz hes here. but i know that i will. hes one of the few people that i just have a connection with and even if we dont have a common ground we always find somethign to talk about and even if we arnt talking for a while, we jsut have this unspoken care about eachother. its a crazy deep connection. Then there's kirsten. kirsten, especailly the past year or so havent been that close at all, but i really miss her laugh. i know, that seems like an odd thing to miss, but i remember my junior year when she and jack adn i worked behind the scenes of the bat and i remember trying to help jack get with kirsten (haha, go figure)but i remember having so much fun and laughing at thigns that only she and i thought were funny but i remember looking up and cocking (haha, cocking) our heads back adn just letting out this rediculous high pitched laughter and gasping for air. god, that was such great times. i miss her laugh, it was syncranized with mine just liek an unspoken understandign that we didnt care if what we were laughing at was funny to anyone else. i miss jason too. (if you havent caught on, ive stopped tlaking about peopel i wasnt that close with cuz i was really close with garik and lyns). Hes just i donno, such a friendly guy to be around. i almost always had fun with jason when it was just us hanging around. we were really close last year and sense have defentally fluctuated adn had our biffs, but i cnat really remember a time that i was with jason just hanging out that he and i didnt completely get along and no matter whta happenend between thoes times i can at least appreciate that i was happy when i was with him and had a lot of laughs. finally, surprizingly enough, i miss jack. i cant say i miss our whole relationship from march on, but i miss him as a person and who he used to be. there are many levels to my feelings about jack adn all of what went down. he said alot of things and didnt follow through. he said hed try and stay in touch when i left, and no effort has been made. but i said somethings too that i soon found out i didnt mean. i dont even really know how to describe what happened and what happened really doesnt matter, the point is, i miss him. i hope he knows i have no harsh feelings anymore as to what happened. i know that no matter what i think about who he is now or what he did he has a pretty pure heart, not exactly the heart i feel in love with, but it is pure. I just miss about him...um...just the things he did, his rediculous nature i guess. i dont even really know. yeah, i miss some peopel way more than others adn some i am ok with just missing and others the missing them sometimes tears me apart, but i can say i miss everyone in some way. im not sure i miss the group as it was when i left, maybe as it was last year, but i think that its better if people focus adn love the group a little less and just the people in it a little more. Im happy though, even though this whole missing entry makes it seem liek its not, but i havent really been talking about the things i miss cuz im not gonna sit up here and dwell on things i dont have. thats not my style..haha...or at least its not anymroe. yeah, i miss things, youre heartless if you dont, but im also happy and ready to move on. im so excited for the things to come in my life. and despite what anyone thinks of me, i will accomplish great things and i am a good person who will get everything i need and find more happiness cuz im already happpy. Life has only began for me. Not to quote anyone or anything, but spring just wasnt my season. i wasnt very happy this spring. happy enough, cuz i can assure you taht im alwyas alright, but not as happy as i coudl have been. alot of things were going down hill for me. there's a poem by javan that talks about how no one ever caused me pain, they simply gave me joy then took it away. so yeah, spring was a bad time of year for me for reasons that you know and some that you dont, but summer is and has been better. i only have up to go. and i am excited to go there. bottom line, i miss all of you adn if you feel like it, id lvoe to hear from you... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:24551 2005-07-21T21:08:22Z 2005-07-21T21:08:22Z hokay...the only two things i dont like about wisconsin<br /><br />everyone here has wisconsin accents, adn they say their o''s really throaty and such, ...now that doesnt sound all that bad until you throw in the fact that I HATE THAT ACCENT. its driving me crazy...........ill get used to it.<br /><br />secondly, I HATE BUGS. for some reason i must have a big sign on my forehead that says... "hi, im a hot blooded human who really wants you to bite me adn make me itch like crazy. ps. please bite my face so that i also look liek crap too. thanks!!" ahhhh! oh well, it will be cold soon enough and then there will be fewer bugs.<br /><br />other than thoes two things, life is great. i just got done babysitting the cutest kids ever (cept for rick and rose) and got paid 12 bucks an hour. Tonight im going to a play wiht my mem and then tomorrow i think im gonna meet up wiht amy darr and some of her friends cuz shes in chicago right now and that will be fun. Then saturday morning, im going to chicago to pick up garik and hav a kick ass time of course. Then hes here for a week and in the mean time my aunts are coming adn they are possibly the funniest peopel on the face of the earth, (cept for me and lyns) adn then i have like four days to just chill after garik leaves on the 30th for god knows where, and then YAY!! LYNSEY IS COMING ON THE 3RD FOR A WHOLE WEEK. that will be really fun. especially when we go find the lax team practice and get hot kevins and nicks...i mean...no... not stalk anyone. no but really, we will have a lot of fun im sure. it will be easeir to make a few more frineds when i have someone to go with me. Then lyns leaves the 10th and then i have 3 days until im 18...thats right, and adult, then its about a week until my first day at school where the real fun begins. hey, ps, everyone should call me cuz lets face it, im flipping fun. later cats. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:24122 2005-07-18T23:50:01Z 2005-07-18T23:50:01Z so, this morning i went to the coffee shop up town and got my chocolate peanutbutter frozen cap liek i always do and sat down and read my book at the small tables outside. it was a nice morning, blue sky and all, which seems to be common here. anyways, the morning started out liek it has every morning for the past two weeks, but then i was interupted right in the middle of my chapter. I looked up, slightly annoyed, but ready to put on a polite appearance, and saw the most americanly georgious guy. He said, "excuse me, but the lady who works here says your new and i see you sitting out here every morning, so i thouhgt i might try and introduce myself." i found this polite outgoingness very refreshing and very mature so of course, i bit. I told him where i was from and where i was going and basically that i was just here to hang out and chill for the summer. He was so cute. As he was leavign he said sorry for destracting me from my reading but he said he could just sense something different about me. I asked him what it was and he said he didnt know except that every morning when he walked past to go fishing in the marina (he does that for fun, isnt that cute) he just noticed me. I thought that was really cute. Then he was like, this may seem a little forward, but could i have your number? i of course, bit again. So, i think i will take this pause in my story to tell you a little about him. His name is kevin and he just graduated as well. He plays soccer and baseball and was the captians of his teams jsut liek me. He is going to UW in the fall and majoring in biology. Every morning he walks down to the marina to fish with his grandpa cuz he looks up to the wise and witty man and hates sleeping the day away. During the day, he runs the "Parks" center for kids, its his job. Then at night, he normally hangs out with his guy friends or goes to some parties. He loves classic rock and is a huge fan of simon and garfunkle (yay!!). He wears jeans, berks, and old teeshirts from his grandpa or polos. oh yeah, and did i mention, he ripped like jesus. anyways, so i was amused and felt just liek some good vibe from him but didnt think too much of it for the rest of the day until at about 2, my cell phone rang. I was in the middle of making my pillows for my room, but i answered anyways hoping it would be someone from granville. Anyways, he said, "hey, its kevin. i know you are probably busy but if you want, i got off early from work and i was going to head to the park for the art show becuase my aunt and grandma run a stand there. i thought you might want to come and check it out. you may be able to meet some new people" so, i decided to clear my very busy schedual of reading, sleeping, sewing, reading, staring at teh wall, walking around outside, and go with him. i met him at the park sense its right by my house and i started to walk to the normal path, he told me to follow him cuz he had a nicer way. Omg, it was so beautiful. its this beatin in path down by a fresh water creek and we took off our shoes and walked in it. (I was wearing my summer dress and my hair in a ribbon of course.)He made me laugh harder than many people (Cept lyns) have made me laugh in a while and he said "im glad, i went wiht my gut and talked to you, thats not normally my style" i asked why, he just decided to come up and tlak to me, i asked, jokingly, if it were some bet or soemthing. he said "i dont know, i coudl just tell you wernt from here. all the girls here think they own the world. they have no appreciation for the simple things. they have to live a fast life and never just have things to say. you are just different. you wear a dress instead of short shorts and a tang top and you ahve a ribbon in your hair and you are ok wiht being alone." i corrected him into saying i have some shorts and tang tops, but yes, hes right, i do wear a ribbon in my hair. " He said its jsut things liek taht, just little things that i appreciate. He said he could jsut tell i was nice and would never go out of my way to hurt anyone. All of this of course made my smile. but dont worry, it wasnt all talk like this. it was mainly laughing adn just regular, non sappy conversation. He said he had a girl friend for pretty much all of highschool. she was really into the drama department and was pretty popular. She was a lot of fun he said, but she didnt have bigger goals than highscool, she didnt seem to be really really passionate about anything or care that much about anything. she was fun adn easy to be around, but jsut nothing there. he said they are still friends. I told him aobut my sagas or relationships and he seemed to understand and we agreed that sometimes things jsut dont work out but he and i really clicked when we started talkting about how we dont regret anything in life becasue each thing that happens affects us in some way. anyways, we got to the art show and he was so cute with his aunt, shes really spunky adn they teased eachother alot. his grandma didnt say much but you could tell he helps to look after her. kevin loves his family. After the art show he walked me home. He said he had a lot of fun adn would really like to hang out again. i said he coudl call my whenever if he feels like taking on my family. He laughed adn we hugged. we looked at eachother and it was one of thoes moments. he leaned in closer... and....<br /><br />HAHAHAHHAH! LOSERS!! JK! I MADE IT ALL UP!! THAT STUFF ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES!<br /><br />i did get a frozen cap though...and thats pretty much all i need. plus, im just that bored at the library that i made up this whole elaborate dream story in my head until my bro gets out of story time. its a nice story though. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:24010 2005-07-14T21:56:42Z 2005-07-14T21:56:42Z woo, so ive started doing my room. yay. i painted like all day today, but its worth it cuz i can feel like im on trading spaces. tomorrow im gonna go to the sweet heath-esque pool with my fam and see if i meet anyone. if not, thats ok too, ill hang out and read my book and be tan and hott for college. Im more concerned about my brothers meeting more people cuz they have to live here after august adn i know they really want some friends. Im sure they will soon but i can tell they feel lonely. ive met a few teens so if i really want to work for it i can find them adn try to be their friend, but i donno, im ok for now with all the stuff i have to do at home and hangin out with my family and swimming in the lake and reading adn just chillin. its not very often in your life that you have time to just chill and no obligations to anyone really. although, it will be nice to have things pick up again soon cuz i love to be busy and meet new friends, but for now, im just gonna go with the flow and honestly ive been meeting more people just hanging out. i figure that friends will come to me so im not really worried about it. OH YEAH!!! yay!! i got a new cell phone so i can send kirstens back to her asap. its flipping sweet! it can take pictures adn i get free internet and i can check my email, which is nice cuz i dont have internet at home yet adn i dont have to come to the library every second. plus, when people call, instead of it jsut showing their name, i can set it to show thier picture which i find very amusing adn i can transfor the pics from my comp to my phone. its just sweet. im excited. speaking of the library, my mom adn my aunts are totally making fun of me by calling the library my night club cuz its liek where i go to chill and like my party adn break, i mean, common, thats kinda amuzing that instead of going out and partying hard i go to the library for my fun times, ahha,, im such a loser. plus, most of the people ive met, i met at the library. hahah. alright, maybe not that funny, but if you think about it, its at least amuzing. anyways, im gonna head over and party in the biography section next. hah...woooo....peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:23750 2005-07-12T17:37:29Z 2005-07-12T17:37:29Z wooo...library again. so, today is my mems birthday and i feel bad for it cuz going to the library and unpacking sure isnt the way id like to spend my birthday. she sure puts up with a lot and i love her for it, plus, lately shes like basically one of my best friends, you know, i cant talk to her about everything, but shes pretty cool. Anyways, the highschool here is flipping huge and i get pie soon from burger king. yeah, two pretty random thoughts there. so...10 things to be excited for:<br /><br />1. garik!!! yay. one week adn a half<br />2. Lynsey!! yay. one month<br />3. New cell phone!! yay. serivce.<br />4. New room decorations!! yay. trading spaces-esque<br />5. College!! yay. new friends. new boys.<br />6. Pie!! yay. burger king.<br />7. Organizing my pictures!! yay. compulsive me.<br />8. Kayacking!! yay. Lake Michigan.<br />9. Backpacking!! hahahhaha, jk. (but waht do you dooo??)<br />10. August 13th!! yay. eighteen years old.<br /><br />thoes are just a few thigns to be excited for, you can post and add a few more if youd like, but im gonna head out. peace out! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:23472 2005-07-11T18:04:49Z 2005-07-11T18:04:49Z shhh- its a library alright, here i am. Sitting in the port washington Library. Its flipping georgious outside and i love it. its not like freaking hott and not cold either, everyday seems perfect here, it would be a little more perfect if i had some friend or something to share it with, but i know that that will come with time. I met one friend, kinda, his name is john, he works at best buy and hes hott. Hes not really my style liking wise though cuz hes liek punk and bad ass, which is hott, but not my type, he will due as a friend though. I have his number incase i get really bored, but hes twenty and im not sure i really wanna hang out with a bad ass twenty year old that i dont know quite yet. I think i might work behind the scenes of the sound of music at the port theatre and hopefully meet some people there, and even if i dont, i love the teatre so it will be fun. I get to start designing my room this week and that will be so sweet, i have it all sketched out and it is flipping fun to say the least. Then after that, i start painting the house adn after that, GARIK COMES. yay!! im excited. ive missed him. Ive been proud of my good attitude about the whole leavign thing and not like freaking out and accepting the change and looking forward to whatever i want to make of life, and totally enjoying the new things and lettign go of the old, but it will be so nice to have someone who is totally a comfort to me and always has been and someone just liek farmiliar and who i know for a change. i love the new experience adn the new people, but its jsut a totally different feeling to have someone who knows you and loves you adn accepts you no matter what come and experience thoes new things with you. Its like a little faith that in the end you have someone and that the whole world wont come crashing down if you fail at one new thing. I cant even explain it. I hope everyone finds at least one person who just loves and accepts them for who they are despite their faults. I have my family and two or three others, and i try to be that person for some of my friends. No one can be that person for everyone or even for all their friends, cuz it takes all of you, but just for one or two people, i try my best to do that. Anyhoo, point is, i cant wait for garik to come and to show all the new stuff to him. So, then, after garik comes, i have two weeks or so to chill adn do whatever adn get ready for college, then my parents are flying lyns out adn im really excited for that. I miss everything about granville, but i think i miss lyns the most. But im not worried about it cuz i know we will stay friends and she is just a phone call away. I hope everyone is doing well in granville and it sounds like everyone is by the sound of the live journals. Im doing alright here, im happy. This place and this experince is very calming, something finally thats very real. I was thinking yesterday, and i realized that after college, life seems very lonely. I mean, cuz college is teh last place where they just make it easy to make friends adn stuff, after that, you are completely on your own and in a new place all by yourself and dont have school. everyone has a life and and a job of their own that they deal with. I mean, you jsut go to some new city with no where to go and no where to make friends and you have to do it all on your own, wow, that so wierd. i guess i just assumed that it was all liek FRIENDS and you got to the city adn you had 5 great friends just waiting for you to befriend them. I dont think thats really the way it works. But then i realized that maybe it isnt really taht lonely cuz instead of a billion like frineds but not really friends, you ahve one or two people that are real true friends. And then soon, if youre lucky, you make a family and they becoem your best friends. You just have to depend so much on yourself. So really, it seems lonely cuz you cant just go out everynight and party with a huge group of so called friends, but you can go out adn meet new people wiht a few really close friends. i guess neither one is lonely, just different. I wonder what my life will be liek after college. i wonder waht my life will be like during college, i wonder who i will be friends with, i wonder if i will fall in love, i wonder if ill get married, i wonder where ill live, i wonder where ill teach, i wonder if ill keep in touch with people, i wonder if ill get my heart broken again, i wonder if ill be different, i wonder if my friends will be different, i wonder what will matter to me, i wonder who will matter to me, i wonder if ill have money problems, i wonder if ill fail, i wonder if ill get fat in college, i wonder if ill remember things, i wonder if people will remember me, i wonder what i will accomplish, i wonder if all of this matters...<br /><br />i guess thats all there is to do right now is wonder about things, im just gonna accept the fact that i dont know and dream about how my life could be adn enjoy the way my life is now cuz it may never be the same i guess. its weird, where i am right now in life. For the first time, im pretty much alone, and im ok with that. i know that good things are just around the corner for me and i finally feel free. im at like a stand still cuz im done with highschool and granville but not in college yet so its almost liek this is my time to relax, to reflect, to dream, to not care. i dont even know what this is my time for. if you have any ideas, leave me a message or call me.<br /><br />ps- my home number- 262 284 5171 - for everyone i didnt tell yet. but my cell can still recieve calls. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:23156 2005-07-08T13:24:22Z 2005-07-08T13:24:22Z funeral music we are gathered here today to celebrate the memory of a beautiful and tacky car. I remember when i first got daloris and mfc made a comment as to no one under the age of 60 drives that car, but i didnt care, she was my tacky old car. I remember when the acceleration went out with jason and garik and when i had to change her flat tire. Shes been through a lot and was defentely adn survivor of my cancerous driving. Anyways, does anyone want to say a few words...leave comments urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:22807 2005-07-08T03:43:32Z 2005-07-08T03:43:32Z so...here i am, in wisconsin. my house, to say the least, is fucking kick ass!! It is something that garik and nate and jack would defentally love, but i think almost anyone, even an indoor girl liek me can find total appreciation for. Something about being back in the woods and having this amazing view of lake michigan and having no one but your family and your future to look forward to when you get up in the morning is really really soothing. I feel very calm and actually content with the way things are going and with what i have, a feeling i havent felt in a really long time. I think its good for everyone, at some point in their lives, to go somewhere new and depend soley on themselves for happiness. Its almost like I feel free. i can finally make myself happy and just enjoy me. Ive never been one of thoes people who can just leave and go away and enjoy the moment and where i am right at that moment, but i feel liek i can now. its actually really cool. I mean, it totally takes some getting used to where i dont have somethign to do or someone to call every second, but thats part of the growing experience, learning how to cope with lonleness. And im doing alright, i think. There is so much beauty in the world and in my family and even in myself that i failed to see for so long and im finally starting to really appreciate things. I miss some of my friends, but i just accept the fact that i miss them and try not to dwell on it cuz there is nothing i can do about it. I also jsut feel way closer with my family, i really love them. ive spent liek zero time with them over the past few weeks cuz ive been so wrapped up, but now i nkow that my family is always there adn im really really lucky. I realize that alot of what goes on in granvilee doesnt matter to me much anymore, but some of the people still do and im glad for that cuz i still have relationships with the people who ever cared about me enough to try. and if some people dont try, im not liek offended or totally personally crushed becuase i cant expect everyone to have the energy to care about me enough to stay in touch forever just like i cant expect myself to talk to every single one of my firends, people come in and out of your life, its just what happens. I mean, there are people that i really care about and am gonna try hard to stay in touch with and if they dont try, yeah, i mihgt be a little hurt, but ill move on and make new friends in college. speaking of which, im so excited for college!! The whole experience of it is just so exciting, liek on my own, with a huge pool of friends. yay. I donno, anyways, im here at the hotel and our crap comes tomorrow, adn yay. im excited for that, but hey, im gonna go hang out wiht mfc. yay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:22761 2005-07-06T02:53:58Z 2005-07-06T02:53:58Z Jimmy Eat World alright. so, here i am. im thinking about what exactly to write about the past five years of my life in granville, but once again, i am lost for words. Plus, the thing is, it really doesnt matter, and i really dont care. We all think we're so wise in what we shoudl and shouldnt do and what other people should and shouldnt do and what other people are thinking and whats best adn whats important, well ive got news, no one knows yet. I have no wisdom as to how to live to pass on and im not gonna sit here and reflect on mistakes ive made and mistakes everyone else has made cuz liek i said before, i dont give a shit and they dont matter anymore cuz all i have is the choice to treasure the friendships i had and still do have and work to keep them or jsut appreciate the times i did have and how things have changed how i am and move on from things. Im honestly not worried about that much anymore cuz why sit here and worry about what people said or thought or did when i have so many more exciting and different thigns to look forward to. I will miss the familiarity of all of granville i guess and i will probably feel lonely for a while, but i will make so many really close friends, and i know it will be a different feel than the highschool friends i had, but it will be a good different, a more steady different. Y0u know, when youre in college, you have friends that know who they are and what they want so they are comfortable with themselves, so people dont change on you as much and understand that you are who you are and either accept you or dont, its just the way it is, and im excited for it. Given, highschool was awesome and i had so much fun, im not sure ill ever have that rush, invincable feeling again where im so sucked into my small life and we think we're the only ones that matter and no one else exists adn our only worries are what our friend said behind our back or what someone else did that we dont aggree with. Thoes are the things im ready to get away from but also what made highschool so great, the trivial bliss of it all i guess. God, highschool was great adn ive made some great friends while they last. i dont expect to stay intouch wiht everyone and i guess it makes me sad, but mrs hettler said it perfectly, "thats just part of life, people, throughout your whole life will come in and out adn all you can do is appreciate the fact that they were ever there and wait for someone new after they leave." I cant wait until im older and have knoledge to pass on liek that cuz i still have so much to learn adn im excited to do that. Like i said, i loved the feeling that only we mattered and that little things meant so much and not worring about the bigger picture, but im also ready to move on from that, ready for more. Im ready to take on the world while holding my own hand but knowing that if i need it, people who care about me are ready to hold it too. Im really on my own for the first time, ready to see adn take what the world gives me and make somethign of my life. And throughout this rather..um... triumphant speech, im still very i guess sad and mellow that i could petentually loose everythign i have held so close for the past 2 years. im not good at letting go as many people know. BUT I GUESS THE THING THAT KEEPS ME GOING IS SIMPLY THE COMFORT I FIND IN MY FAITH THAT EVERYONE IS GOING TO END UP OK IN THEIR OWN LIVES EVEN IF WE'ER NOT TOGETHER. Thats really all there is to it for me. Well, look at me babbling on and on about things when i told myself i was just gonna do a simple, shallow update...go figure. Even though i have a lot to learn and im ready to do that, i do have one peice of advice (that i try to keep with me as well) that i hope everyone can appreciate it in some way...<br /><br /><br /><br />Keep your family in your heart, your friends on your mind, and your faith in god. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:22389 2005-06-27T05:51:50Z 2005-06-27T05:51:50Z a world inside a world one more week... im lost for words, leave me messages urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mags2425:22192 2005-05-24T17:32:14Z 2005-05-24T17:32:14Z i dont think any one can fully comprehend what it feels like to leave until you are actually going through it. Im just trying to accept it and appreciate people for who they are. I know i wont stay in touch with everyone and im Ok with that. I find comfort in the thought that in one way or another, we're all going to turn out ok. Everything that has gone down, the people that have changed, drifted apart. None of that matters anymore, cuz in the end, i was happy while i was with these people adn they helped make me who i am and in the end, thats all that matters cuz we will grow up and realize that there will never be another time liek highschool. Its sad, really, but just something i have to accept and look forward to another one-of-a-kind phase of my life. I am, however, still really scared about college and will really miss my friends. I know that it will be great and i will eventually find home there too, and it will be a new adventure, but when anything ends, its really really sad. i jsut hope that i can enjoy the next few weeks here for what they are and for what they have become adn then go to college with a clear mind adn open heart. Thats the most important thing for me, i have to go to college with all my heart. Confucius said, "Where ever you go, go with all your heart".